Lighten Up Meditation

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There’s no such thing as “easy meditation”

There’s no such thing as “easy meditation”

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I’ve got bad news, folks. Meditation is not easy.

“Easy” is watching cat videos on the internet.

Meditation is tough.

If you’re just becoming interested in meditation, then this may be either an absolute relief to hear, or you may find it totally discouraging.

Searching for a secret to meditation — like a 5-minute meditation that will fix everything that ails you — is a fine place to begin. If you’re new to meditation, please jump on board with whatever technique is exciting to you! But it’s not realistic as a complete panacea.

Any meditation is totally better than no meditation, so I don’t want to make you quit before you’ve even begun. But recognizing what REAL meditation is can be super helpful.

Meditation is about going away. It’s about you STOPPING.

That may sound really weird and even hard to completely grasp intellectually — and that’s OK. When you meditate, you are not actually doing the meditation.

That’s what I mean when I say that you stop.

You can try to stop — but you won’t succeed. You can try to get quiet, and it’ll help, for a moment or two. Your brain will settle down and may even go into a lull.

But it’ll be temporary. That’s one thing you can count on: Your brain will very quickly start to generate thoughts.

There’s this idea out there that everybody is being mindful and everyone is successful with meditation every morning.

But here’s the truth:

If you meditate AT ALL then you’re being successful with it!

The actual experience of meditation may feel rocky and even frustrating. It is not easy to do!

If you’re doing a meditation that you find to be “easy” then I wonder if you’re really meditating? Or are you just taking time to relax, and drift in your thoughts, and do some daydreaming?

There’s nothing wrong with any of that. But it’s not meditation.

When you’re meditating — or let me be more precise, when you’re trying to meditate — then you’ll need to exert some effort. You need to be present. You need to be alert to the natural drift, where the thoughts take you off into another illusion.

When that happens, then you don’t punish yourself or criticize. You just notice it happened, and come back to your point of meditation.

The reason it’s not “easy” is because this is a constant. This cycle repeats over and over. It totally does become easier — in that, you’ll get used to the cycle, and understand that, ‘Oh, right, I’m supposed to be meditating,” and more quickly come back to your point of focus.

But the thoughts will continue to come, and that’s OK.

At first, the experience of that onslaught of thoughts may even make you want to quit. That’s one reason why I say that meditation is never easy. When you’re first starting out — or, heck, for the first few years, probably — there may be a lot of frustration, and wondering if you’re even doing it right. That’s really common, and if you just keep at it, then you’ll find that it changes.

But stopping your thoughts being easy? Nah.

What’ll end up happening is that your practice of daily meditation will result in fewer thoughts showing up in the first place. But that won’t be you doing it. If you try to assert your will against the stream of thoughts, you’re gonna lose. 🙂

So please don’t expect this to be easy — and then if ever it is, if you’re taken by surprise by some glorious amazing incredible sense of peace that steals over you unexpected during a meditation, then you’ll marvel at the gift of it. And the next day, go back to your mat, and be OK if it’s a struggle again.

Because it’s always worth it. Your life will change. Everything is manageable when you have meditation as your foundation.

But easy? Nah. Don’t worry about easy. Just worry about doing it, and you’ll be set up for the win.

“How can I meditate if I’m heartbroken?”

“How can I meditate if I’m heartbroken?”

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Extremes of emotion can be debilitating in so many ways. If you’re going through the heartbreak of a relationship that’s ended or grieving any other type of loss, then meditating can be really difficult. You may find that all you do when you try to meditate is sit there and cry. Or you may be so depressed that you cannot even get up the motivation to meditate at all. In my experience, it requires a certain amount of my-life-is-together before I have success with maintaining my meditation practice. If things have gone to sh!t then it’s way too easy to blow it off — especially if I’m feeling very down on myself already. When I get into the “I’m not worth it” cycle of self-blame and wallowing unworthiness then it can be downright impossible to do anything healthy and strong, including meditation or working out or all of that. Sometimes it’s hard to even get out of bed. How can you be expected to do something as life-affirming as meditate on top of such a Herculean accomplishment as that?

If you’re currently going through it and dealing with difficult times in your life, then that’s when meditation can be the most beneficial* — but you may not even know it. If you meditate when you’re depressed or sad or in pain, then it may often feel like you’re just spinning your wheels. It can be even harder than usual to find your focus. However, forcing yourself to sit down and TRY to meditate is actually doing a huge amount of good for you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like you’re getting anywhere. The fact that you put in the effort, that you took a stance and told Eternity, “Yes, I’m going to meditate, even though I feel like my world is ending” — this is a big statement. You’re asserting that you do have faith, that you do believe you’re worth something. And, very very important, if you sit down for your regular meditation session and you don’t skip it, even if you feel like crap, then you’re re-establishing that habit. This will make it easier to do it again the next day. Continuity on your meditation practice is one of the most important aspects to evolving. If you blow it off all the time, then pretty soon you will realize that you’re no longer meditating at all.

So, even if it feels like it’s not getting you anything or that you’re really out of it and being ineffective with your attempts to quiet down, it’s still tremendously important that you try.

And who knows, perhaps Grace will visit you and you’ll be able to slip away into the silence of your mind for a time.

And when you finish, then you’ll realize that there’s a bit more peace, and calm, and even a peek of joy coming through.

It’ll make you stronger, and make it easier to deal with the darkness or despair that you’re feeling.

Meditation brings light into your mind — or more accurately, it lets you experience the light that’s always there waiting. When emotions are painful and heavy, it can be very difficult to perceive that light. Sitting down to meditate, even when the challenges in your life are especially severe, can help you through them and bring you to healing. It may be all you need to let those emotions loosen their grip, even if just for a time.

Meditation when you’re emotional can be really hard, but just try. Focus on your heart, or if nothing else, then on your breathing. Watch. Wait. Listen. Say a mantra, or repeat a prayer or even a poem. Bringing yourself back to the center can help you remember the Truth of who you are, and that Truth is beyond all suffering.

If it proves too difficult, don’t force it. Let it go, and go do something else, like watch a movie or read a happy book, or talk with a friend. Be proud of yourself for putting in the attempt. Even if it seemed worthless when you tried, really, it’s not. All meditation is good, even when it feels pointless and hard.

If you’re having a rough time, then I wish you comfort. Peace is there, beneath it all, but sometimes we need to feel the anguish, as part of the process of discovering what’s real.

 
 

*ANY meditation is “the most beneficial” though!! Sometimes it’s even harder to get yourself onto the meditation pillow when things are going really great, since there’s no motivation to push us to fix it. However, that’s when you can make some seriously tremendous progress.

Sorry but no: Your chakras are not out of balance.

Sorry but no: Your chakras are not out of balance.

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There’s so much hokey content out there. There’s a very good reason that New Age ideas get little respect. When you hear about some pricey course or training to help you “balance” or “align” your chakras, then you should run very quickly.

Your chakras are not out of balance. Chakras are energy portals or points on your subtle physical body; they are real to the extent that you can perceive them with the right practices. Your chakras may be something you’re not aware of right now but that does not mean they don’t exist — and it definitely does not mean they’re out of whack.

Sometimes people who are starting a chakra-based meditation practice may have difficulty feeling their chakras, which is a symptom of being new to the practice. Or, sometimes, there’s an unwillingness to deal directly with that part of your physiological makeup. For example, if someone cannot easily perceive the heart chakra and feels blocked there, then that may be because they’ve experienced a lot of emotional trauma and they’re unwilling to look at that pain for fear of unleashing it again. Heartpain is very difficult, so understandably they may not want to go there quite yet. They can continue practicing the meditation on the heart chakra and over time they will loosen up and find the courage to go deeper. In this sense, you could say that there’s scar tissue built up over the chakra, but that’s just a way of talking about it. The chakra itself is still there, alive and kicking and in full balance with itself and with every other chakra in your being. It’s just that THE EGO is not ready to let go and be free.

There’s even more risk when you come across someone who promises to teach you how to manifest things through the chakras. I saw some social media posting about using specific mantras to attract money or sex into your life. Uhhh…. That sounds awfully close to certain types of black magic, and it’s not what I would ever recommend!

A true meditation practice involves surrender. It’s about letting go of the identities you hold so dear — falsely. Those identities are what get caught up in the “need” for sex or money. If you’re focusing on attracting power into your life — which is exactly what sex and money are about — then that is incredibly risky. That’s engaging and empowering the separate false sense of “I” — the ego. It’s not about letting go of the illusion and letting Eternity flow through.

When intention is right, then Eternity takes care of the rest.

If you think your chakras are out of balance, then in that sense you’d be correct: Your THINKING is what’s causing an imbalance. The thinking itself creates obstruction.

But chakras are just there.

In advanced stages of deep meditation, then yes there can be intense movement of energy through the chakras. The lack of this movement does not mean there’s something wrong with the chakras or that some type of balancing is needed.

A practice focusing specifically on quietening the mind and going within and letting Eternity be there without grabbing and controlling and trying to manipulate is likely going to be the most beneficial, in terms of allowing yourself to experience who you are, within and behind and underneath all the talk of the chakras.

Chakras may be interesting but as with all the other New Age mumbo jumbo, there’s a lot of misinformation and truly bad ideas floating around out there. Be careful who you listen to as you continue your inner explorations.

 
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image credit: nobull Image retrieved from Pixabay 6/18/18
Meditating with pets

Meditating with pets

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Is it OK if you meditate with your dog?

What if your cat always tries to crawl into your lap when you’re meditating?

Is it OK?

Ohmigosh YES!

Many of us find that our pets are very in tune with our practice. Some pets even fully support their person’s practice by keeping them on track with the morning schedule. Get up, go pee, get some coffee, then meditate, and the cat comes to snuggle in. If we deviate from this routine then we get disgusted looks from the kitty who’s expecting you to be where you’re not.

Many spiritual teachers speak of their affinity with animals. Ramana Maharishi, a saint in India last century, was famous for his relationships with and especially his respect for the animals who came to his ashram. There were dogs, a cow, a crow, many others who were part of daily living and welcomed into the fabric of the lives of his disciples. If you visit today, you will see memorials to these precious beasts and hear stories. Of course it’s OK to meditate with your pets!

I have heard of some teachers advise against it, though, which is the reason for writing this post. I can see where perhaps an animal might be a distraction — say, if it’s a very young puppy and always wants to play, or it needs to be monitored at all times because it’s still being trained. Or a restless animal, or one that is very sensitive to noise and who barks at any provocation from outside. Yes, of course, if the pet is very active and can’t settle down, then it’s not a good choice to have with you during meditation.

But for the animal who wanders over and curls up in your lap, or rests its head on your foot as you’re sitting on your cushion on the floor, no problem. As long as it does not serve a distraction to you.

In real meditation, you are going within. You lose awareness of your physical body, and you experience new realities that unfold within the depths of your mind. This natural going-within process will mean that any external stimulation is forgotten, provided it stays static. If your pet moves around a lot or is prone to disruption then you’ll need to evaluate if the strength of your practice is such that it can absorb these things without breaking you out of your meditation completely.

A healthy meditation practice can take nominal disruptions in stride. A noise from outside or even the doorbell ringing should not cause you to leap off your mat if you’re not done with your meditation (hopefully there’s someone else around to answer the door, or that you’re able to brush off the thoughts that will invade about who it might be coming to visit!!!). When starting out, or even as part of your typical practice, you would want to turn off your cell phone completely and silence the computer so no distracting bells and whistles invade your space during meditation. But if you’ve become established in your practice, then even if you forget one day to turn off the phone, you won’t be broken out of the meditation completely if it rings. You’ll hear it, notice, then push it aside and go back to what you were doing.

The same works for a dog or cat who’s part of your practice. As long as they are generally calm, then they can snuggle in with you during your meditation and not cause a distraction — and even when they are busy or disruptive one day, it won’t be the end of the world. You’ll be able to deal with it and keep chugging along with your meditation.

Having a furry friend as part of your practice? I think it’s fine! But it depends on you, and the friend, and where you are with your meditations. See if it works. If not, then it’s fine to meditate on your own instead!

image credit: Pexels Image retrieved from Pixabay 6/6/18
Meditation comes first.

Meditation comes first.

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Mindfulness has become quite popular — it’s been great to see it trending through our culture today. Anything that increases awareness and makes people more present, and fully conscious in their bodies, is positive.

I’ve been interested in mindfulness for a very long time but only through my interest in meditation.

For me, meditation comes first, and if you’re truly interested in figuring out this mindfulness thing, then I encourage you to focus on building a daily practice of meditation as your foundation.

You see, I may be skeptical, or arrogant — and I’m probably both — but I doubt that most people who profess to be working on “mindfulness” are actually mindful.

Real mindfulness is about going within. It’s about STOPPING. It’s about being fully conscious and present in the NOW.

Eckhart Tolle did wonders in bringing this conversation into the public domain and if you haven’t read The Power of Now, or if you haven’t re-read it recently, then that’s a great place to start.

Many spiritual teachers don’t even emphasize meditation per se. Gangaji, for example, emphasizes that more practices and more techniques are not necessary. All of that is true.

And yet for me, perhaps because I’m still very new to all this even after 25+ years :-), I find that daily meditation is the only way for me to break through the clutter in my mind and the noise of the world and find the TRUTH on the inside.

Without regular meditation, then I may think I’m being mindful as I go through my day, but really I’m mostly just thinking.

Meditation slowly scrubs away the unnecessary surface layers and allows the gold to shine through.

When I’m out and about, or sitting at my desk on the computer, or playing with the dog, or whatever, then unless I’ve been cultivating this meditation practice on the daily, I might have a thought about mindfulness — “Oh yeah I’m supposed to be being mindful” — but it stays at the level of thought.

The regular practice of meditation strengthens the mind to allow it to be present more often, so that a rememberance of, “Oh yeah, mindfulness!” is met with, “THIS.”

It’s kind of hard to explain. But meditation allows mindfulness to happen more easily.

The other key aspect to all of this is that without meditation, which involves a falling away of appearances so that only the jewel remains shining brightly, then I would have never had any sense of what real mindfulness is. I would’ve always been operating in the field of thoughts and impressions, flailing blindly around not ever even understanding what the opportunity for being fully present could be.

It’s like trying to do math when I’ve never know what numbers are or how they work.

Once I had enough core-revealing experiences in meditation, then I started to know what Truth was about (or at least, I have a memory of having experienced it once; this is a tricky topic and one I may write about more!). Then, it was like a map was revealed, and the MINDFULNESS! button clicked on in a way it never could have before.

Perhaps another way to look at it is, say you grew up in a place that had no puppies. No dogs, not even cats and kittens or other small animals.

And you met someone who told you, “OMG DOGS!” They couldn’t stop gushing about how much they loved theirs. They went on and on about the awesomeness of pets.

You just smiled and nodded, being polite, but you had no concept.

And then one day, you were given a puppy, a wiggling little mass of adorable.

It wasn’t till then, when you held it in your hands, did the synapses connect and your mind light up with the Truth. PUPPY!!

It’s kind of that way with mindfulness. You need meditation to help you know what mindfulness IS. And then you’ll become way better at your attempts to be mindful on the daily.

Meditation. Start there.

image credit: TeerasuwatImage retrieved from Pixabay 6/6/18
How can you experience more spiritual fireworks?

How can you experience more spiritual fireworks?

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Katy Perry got it right with her Firework video:

The spiritual experience can feel like that! There are certain meditation techniques in particular that can elicit such incredible moments of inner expansion and even a bursting-forth from the heart.

Or sometimes your heart simply opens up when you’re in nature, or when you see a newborn, or it can happen in a movie.

There are many other flavors and conditions of spiritual experience, too, not just this heart-explosion kind. But those explosion types are pretty darned awesome! There is NOTHING better on this planet than this level of intense spiritual experience.

So how can you create more of them?

Ahh, Grasshopper, the short answer is, you can’t.

A spiritual experience is what happens to you — it cannot be caused by you, the little self, the ego. There is no way at all to predict to whom it will happen or when. It’s not about “deserving” one.

Frequently people will be very diligent in maintaining their practice, meditating every day, and after awhile they feel that they’ve hit a dry spot. They can even feel a little bit dead inside. All they want is the experience of God, of the divine, and they feel like they have earned it with all the practices they’re doing.

It does not work like that.

There is no way to know when a spiritual experience will happen or why. It can feel exceedingly random — and even sometimes royally unfair! One person may be totally devout and earnest in all that they do to know God, and nothing happens, whereas along comes this newcomer who’s not got any discipline at all and never done these practices before, and voila, they get hit with this incredible phenomenon of awakening.

(Pro Tip: Never compare yourself to others! You’re getting exactly what you need, when you need it, in this life and on all spiritual matters. Also, just because someone else is very vocal or flamboyant about their experiences does not mean that those experiences are more significant in the context of real spiritual evolution. So don’t listen!)

It’s super important to appreciate that a spiritual experience is not evidence of attainment. We get so hung up on making progress on the path, and we look for markers and signs to know that we’re evolving. BUT ALL OF THAT IS THE DOMAIN OF THE EGO! It’s the opposite of evolution. It’s clinging to outward signs and symbols, or looking for status.

WHY do you want a sign that you’re evolved?

These are all in the realm of the ego. Comparisons. Doubt. Looking for proof, or looking to be built up with a sense of importance.

The ego is so slippery! It can even abscond with spirituality and try to take it over.

Wanting to have a flashy spiritual experience with fireworks shooting out of your chest — the type of experience which really truly does happen with meditation! — can actually cause you to be less likely to have it. It’s like wanting a relationship: If you are so fixated with finding a boyfriend or girlfriend that you become obsessed with it and are desperate, then it’s pretty much guaranteed you are not going to find one (or if you do, it’ll be wholly unsatisfying). The best way to find love is to stop looking for love. The best way to have an intense and transformative spiritual experience is to stop grasping for one.

Spiritual longing is different. This is what’s so beautifully captured in certain works such as the writings of Saint Teresa of Avila, a Christian mystic who lived in the 16th century who said things like “In the measure you desire Him you will find Him.”

So how do you have more of the intensity in your life that you crave? How do you feel more alive?

MEDITATE.

Redouble your efforts to be still*.

Commit yourself to meditation.

If you’re not meditating regularly, then make a point to do so.

If you do meditate every day, then first commit to meditating with greater conviction — don’t allow yourself to space out or to float. Don’t go through the motions. Build up the muscle of meditation, where your mind is trained to cooperate and can reliably focus for the time that you give it.

Then, when you feel that you’ve done that and are REALLY meditating for the entire duration of each meditation session, consider extending it. Add another 5 minutes to your practice — but only if you’re really doing it!! Don’t add time until you’ve build up the muscle.

Making the decision is all that’s required. Being firmly committed to this spiritual life, in whatever form it may take — it does not mean cloistering yourself in a monastery or going on some 28-day retreat. Today, in this life, whatever you have going on, you can make this commitment and decide.

Then, I would be willing to bet (though I cannot guarantee it) you will be blessed with divine surprises.

Your life will begin to unfold, or it will unfold anew, and renew again.

Those fireworks you crave? You may not experience them as you have once before, but something…. Something will happen that will invigorate and surprise you.

Spiritual fireworks are fun, but they’re not the goal nor the blessing. They are a random occurrence that mean little. What matters is what happens inside you, in accessing the part that cannot be changed.

 
 
*This statement is actually a total oxymoron! You cannot be putting forth effort and actually be still — but you do need to be determined to try! One of those difficult things to explain.

image credit: christy1Image retrieved from on Pixabay 7/3/18
Meditation and relaxation are not the same

Meditation and relaxation are not the same

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I teach meditation. It’s the fundamental part of the pathway to Enlightenment*. If you’ve never been Enlightened in a prior incarnation, it’s highly unlikely you’re gonna get there in this one without meditation. We don’t talk about this part that much, but it’s the whole reason for what we do. This meditation technique that I offer is fun and straightforward and easy, and it’s also incredibly effective as the foundations of an intensive practice that shows you how to clear away the clutter in the mind and help you see what’s real.

Want a taste of it? Try this:

Contrast these techniques with many other styles of so-called “meditation” that are floating out there — and I use the term floating for a reason. Plenty of techniques offered up as “meditation” are actually just relaxation exercises. They may be very beneficial for stress-reducation and overall chilling out, and they may increase health benefits in a similar fashion that this meditation technique does — but they are not the same.

Don’t believe me? Check out a study that Harvard did that shows that different parts of the brain are activated from meditation as from relaxation exercises.

Any real meditation will facilitate major change in your life — maybe not immediately, but it builds. The meditation practices I talk about on Lighten Up Meditation are the foundation of the fast path. Getting to the Source now. I don’t know about you, but I’m in a hurry. I don’t know how long I’ve got on this planet. I want to see how far I can take things. These practices are about energy and intensity and living a high-rev life, with a purpose.

There may be room for both of these activities in your life — real meditation, plus also beneficial relaxation exercises — but it’s important not to confuse the two.  Most people who dive in with this meditation find that it’s all-encompassing and complete — it is a lot of work in the moment, you have to really focus, but it also puts you in the zone when you’re done. We’ve not heard anyone say that they also need a relaxation method on top of it!

This meditation takes you places. Ready to go?

 
 
*Enlightenment is a loaded word. I use it very deliberately, but I recognize that my meaning may not be clear to everyone. Enlightenment isn’t just some casual one-off experience or a mild awakening, or a new awareness. Enlightenment is when you’ve dropped the patterns of the self-identified ego sufficiently to see the Universe as it really is. While there’s a spectrum of enlightened awareness, I believe that Enlightenment is binary. Enlightenment is not a concept. Enlightenment cannot be understood by the thinking mind so it’s difficult and dangerous to try and put limits or definitions on it. However it’s important to try and be clear in my attempts to communicate.